So today is my actual due date. Not sure how to feel! I was told in our preemie class to feel sad on your due date. For some reason, your body somehow "knows" it was supposed to give birth. Weird and sad. Earlier, I posted a picture on facebook with my traditional chalkboard. This time, I was holding my beautiful prize, my Rowan.
Honestly, I am sad I didn't carry to term. I am sorry if I sound whiny. I just felt the wind was knocked out of me with this whole situation. I enjoyed my pregnancy so much and when it happened, well, it felt like a slap in the face. I miss being pregnant! I have been told I am crazy! I just truly had what I felt was the most beautiful experience of my life. Being pregnant was the most incredible, beautiful journey and I truly felt like a super human. So as you can imagine, this whole end experience was insanely hard for me. I honestly wonder if I even want to have more kids, as I am afraid for another experience like this. However, I am BEYOND thankful for my gorgeous, healthy daughter. So many things could have gone wrong and they didn't. I am so thankful for that.
Now, some of you may be wondering what caused this early birth. Well, when she was born, the cord wasn't wrapped around her at all! It was exactly where it should have been! There had been a wondering if my placenta calcified but we got the pathology report back and NOTHING was out of the ordinary. SO WEIRD! So, who knows what really happened.
One thing I can walk away from was that Rowan truly has an incredible, dramatic, and crazy birth story. I hate to admit but I have been called a drama queen a time or two (LOL) and her entry to the world was just that, dramatic! I will have quite the story to tell her when she is older.
I have learned so many lessons, but one is FLEXIBILITY. If I can tell any preggo, just try to be flexible. I had so many ideas of how I thought it would all go down and boy, it was sure different. I remember having pins on pinterest about the perfect hospital bag, etc. Ha, I had nothing going into the hospital! I learned to lean on God more than I ever have in my entire life. There were times Rowan was in danger, and I truly was afraid she was going to die in utero. I remember times of sheer agony and tears as I wasn't sure what was going to happen. I remember giving everything to God what felt like every minute. God truly has a remarkable plan for my little girl.
So as I sit here on my due date, I am thankful to God for my beautiful child. She is truly a miracle. It may haven't gone how I had hoped, but God obviously had something bigger for her.
A walk down memory lane! I am missing about 6 weeks after she was born, but bear in mind I didn't feel up to taking pictures, now I regret it though! I could have done something cute with Rowan, but oh well. I love seeing the progression!
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