Must need essentials for hospital bed rest

Hi y'all,

Thank you for bearing with me on the hands down most depressing post I had ever written earlier. I even re-read it and went, "wow, I was a hot mess". Can ya blame me though? LOL!

 QUICK update wise, we are still the same. Rowan is now known as "the diva of the wing", of course said in love, haha! She loves to run away from the monitors and likes to be difficult to find. She hates the monitors pressing on my tummy. I see her literally lift the monitor. It is hysterical. She does fabulous 98% of the time, but then she has her little heart dips that go in to the 120's (her norm is between 140-to almost 160). While she is NOT in danger when she dips that low (that's actually some babies normal baseline!), the docs aren't confident in just sending me home, as I need a clear 24 hours, and honestly, I am okay with that. Just about 20 min ago, she had a 3 minute decel in the 80's. It was super frightening, but she recovered well, and we are okay now.  See why I am scared to go home? I don't even get how I would have known that had happened if I was home. I am still petrified of us going home, for the fear of something scary happening to her. Nonetheless, we are here and I can rest easy in that.  My goals are to keep this girl 110% safe, deliver her safely and take  her home, so I can finally be the mother God intended me to be for her. However, I pray practically hour by hour that God will protect us, especially her. Each day is getting better, and I don't think I could thank y'all enough for praying.

Okay, back to my point....

I have been in the hospital (combined with my south Sac stay) a total of 14 days. WOWZA. At this rate, I could easily go home in a day (if she has a clean strip) or stay here till she delivers. Sigh.

People have mentioned to read, catch up on shows, etc. I have been doing that since day 1 practically. One thing I haven't done yet  is come up with some projects. However, there are certain things that I can't live with out in regards to be not going insane.
 
Here is my top 10 items to survive hospital bed rest:

1. My bible. Nuff said. I make sure each morning to spend some time in the word and in prayer. I have said this before, I feel out of control in the massively scary situation, but what keeps me sane is my faith in the Lord.

2.  Hulu and Netflix. I'm so thankful for these two precious things, lol! I have been able to catch up on my favorite shows and watch some movies.  I have gotten some great recs for new shows, which I am looking forward to starting up!

 

3. Trashy mags. I have a pile of US Weeklys, among others to read through. It's a great distraction!

4. A fabulous support person (or persons):
I have been extremely blessed to have an incredible husband who has been by my side throughout this whole ordeal. I am so thankful! My family has been great and amazing with coming up to visit as much as possible (I'm 45 min away). They have been such an incredible support.  I have had a steady stream of friends visit each week. They are awfully kind in bringing sweet treats, food and magazines! It makes this stay so much more pleasant and its nice to reconnect with the outside world. If people offer help or anything like that, take it!

5. Makeup wipes, cetaphil, eos chapstick-
Oh man, I looooove these  products! I use the wipes twice a day (they are from Trader Joes) and follow up with Cetaphil, which is so gentle on my skin. My skin actually has tolerated this hospital stay thus far!

6. Makeup and hair esstentials-
I use this term loosely, because I can't be up for too long on my feet doing hair and makeup. However, after I cleanse, I do my makeup in bed and my hair (messy bun or pony). This is my way of keeping up a sense of normalcy. Here are some of my faves...

7. Some good reads-
I'm using ibooks and have bought some good books to make my stay better. Here is what I am currently reading:

8. Cozy pillow, slippers and Jammies
Can't stress this part enough. This has also kept me sane. Just having all these cozy items makes the stay better.

9. Electronics-
Thank goodness for my ipad and laptop!

10. Projects/to do list of some kind
While I haven't done any crafty stuff, I think having projects are good. I am currently trying to write shower thank you notes. I also renewed my teaching credential. Cleaning out my purse is part of my list, lol! All of this helps make the day go by!

Well, please continue to keep us in your prayers. This is seriously such an insane time of my life. Please please please that we can keep Rowan safe and nothing will happen to her.

Thanks friends,

The week that has changed my life.

 This has been the most stressful, draining and scariest week of my life. Obviously most of you know why thanks to fb posts, my IG or by email/text. If you have happened to wander on the blog just now and don't know, I will try to catch you up to speed in the fastest way possible.

-basically at 32 weeks exactly I was admitted for preterm labor.
-preterm labor was thrown out the window when the noticed Rowan was having very scary heart dips. One got so bad had it lasted another minute, the would have had to perform an emergency c-section.
-I was transferred to the Roseville Kaiser, which has the best NICU in the area. We have been here since Monday.
-since we have been here, Rowan has been doing volumes better. Mind you, she is a vision of health and proper growth. However from time to time her heart dips a little bit. Thankfully not as bad as before (these dips are usually are in the 120's)
-bottom line, there are two options: she has to have 24 hours of nothing crazy or I will be here till about 36 weeks. After that they are hoping to induce me.

So here I am confined to my hospital bed. I first just want to say how much I appreciate all of you guys lifting us through prayer and encouraging words. I know I have said this many times before on Facebook but seriously I think the only reason why I haven't completely lost my mind is because of you guys and even more, your prayers. Shannon and I just feel so thankful and overwhelmed by your love and support. We appreciate you guys so incredibly much. 

So I have had a lot of thoughts while being here. When I first was admitted and found out what was going on I couldn't help but feel so incredibly angry. I was silently screaming at God why this was  happening. As most of you know  and have been following my pregnancy, I literally have had the most perfect pregnancy. I'm sure ticked off my few pregnant friends who were so sick of the time lol. Seriously, this pregnancy has been nothing but incredible. 

 So when this all happened I felt like the world was crashing down around me. I know it seems so melodramatic. I literally thought I was going to lose my beautiful baby, this tiny human being that I have grown so insanely in love with. The thought of losing her made me want to throw up, rip down walls and set something on fire. I couldn't even tolerate the thought.

I also went through a very brief time Where I really struggled looking at other preggo's nearly full-term pregnancies on Facebook. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to offend anyone but it was really hard to see that only because I wish so badly that that could be me. For once I finally felt like I was so insanely cheated and I just felt like this is extremely unfair. There are so many people that we all hear about, People who are in and out of jail, on drugs,  abuse their kids, yet they carry their babies full-term and they don't have any issues. And then you have people like my husband and I, who have our crap together and can provide the world and yet this happens to us. I just went through a really bad time of just feeling like this is just most cruelest thing that could have happened. It made me realize don't ever, ever take anything for granted. I didn't think I did that with this pregnancy, but it's a good reminder. I also feel like life changed for me last Friday. Stupid things I used to worry about I could really give a crap about now. Like stretch marks. I was so complainy about getting them. Now I would welcome a belly full of them if it could promise me Rowan's safety. I used to be worried about gaining too much weight. Now I can hardly give a crap about that. 

 As time went on, and by the grace of God, the anger and feelings  have now disappeared and I had to be strong and focus on the most important thing: my unborn daughter. 

To be honest I have my good days and my bad ones. The times are I just feel so strong and know that my daughter will be okay and there are other days I'm just so terrified because there seems to be so many unknowns. Like for example, if she dips too long, like over 5 minutes, she could have brain damage. 

 I know I have said this before to many of you but the one of the reasons why am scared is because I'm terrified of going home. One of the amazing part about being in this amazing hospital is that I am being monitoring closely  literally 24 hours a day. Lord forbid something happens, help is about .5 seconds away.  I'm nervous for being at home I obviously will not be hooked up on monitors. All I will have to just rely on is my kick counts and her moving to know she is okay. I will be tested twice a week just to make sure that she is doing okay but I still feel it's not enough. My biggest fear is something horrible happening to her and I wouldn't know. That I cannot live with. The doctors and nurses have literally have had to talk me "off the ledge" so many times while I've been here because I'm so afraid of something happening to my baby. If you want to know a specific prayer request to pray for this moment, besides Rowan stabilizing and keep growing, it's praying for these insane anxiety and fears to go away.  I truly believe with all my heart that these thoughts are absolutely not of God they're totally from the devil. He knows where I am weak and he knows what my ultimate fear is and he's using it to torture my mind.

At times I'm silently screaming at God to literally command these feelings to disappear. Like I said I have my good days and my bad ones. 

I just have to keep praying keep trusting God that Rowan is his creation and he loves her (and I) so much. He is there holding us up because I can't do it and I have zero control. It's a daily surrender for me. 

Thank you so much dear friends for being there for us. I'm planning on blogging more since I have the time. I promise my posts won't be all depressing lol!!!!!!

8 months pregnant!!!!!!!!!

It still blows my mind when I do this monthly updates! It reminds me that I am so much closer in meeting my sweet little girl! I can't believe I am at month 8 now! Thank you Jesus!

How Far Along: 32 weeks, 8 months pregnant!!!

How are you feeling? Good but getting dog tired! Honestly, I am quite worn out, and feeling major aches and pressure. Teaching all day definitely doesn't help. I am really hoping to at the very least continue working till the first week of May. I am also feeling heavily pregnant, lol! This bump is heavy! 

Size of Rowan: so I feel this is so debatable! Every week I scour the net for fruit/veggie sizes. While most sites agree with each other, some don't and then I don't know if I am "off" in my fruit/veggie sizes. Oh well! Apparently, for 32 weeks, she is the size of a large jicama. 

Total Weight Gain: 16 pounds! Its creeping up, LOL!

Crazy mood swings? Still very emotional! However, I am getting a bit feisty. I have always been one to speak up if I need to, but I find myself getting a bit testy and letting people know how I feel, LOL! Not sure if this is a good thing, but oh well!

Gender? Still a girl lol, I think, LOL!!!!

Name? Yes! Rowan Decaris. Some poeple have asked how to pronounce it. So...Rowan is pronounced ROW-IN, Decaris is pronounced Dee-CAR-is.

What I miss: Still bloody marys, tummy sleeping and wine. Oh boy, especially wine. I have a list of things to indulge in (within reason) once the girl is here!

Sleep: Not sleeping good, my friends, not sleeping good. I get up so much to pee and I just can't get comfortable. Welcome to the rest of my life of no sleep, lol!

Symptoms: Vericose veins on one leg (haha), major achy/soreness, and some pressure "down there". Doesn't this sound like fun?!?!

Cravings: Dairy, sweets, and seriously, just give me a dang sandwich! I want the Italian one from Togo's, it is not even funny!

Aversions: None

Movement: During the day while I teach she is quiet. At night she is crazy hiccupy and active. She especially likes it when I have sweets. I am feeling her all over now!

Belly stats: big belly girl! I love my sweet belly. I will honestly miss it when it is gone!!!!!

Worries/concerns: Um, wow. My L&D experience sent me through a loop (link: in case you missed it)
For days after, I was so freaking scared of something going wrong and I'm so afraid of her coming to early despite all proper tests showing otherwise. I really have had to give it to God and let it go. So far, (MAJOR KNOCK ON WOOD) things are okay, just trying to REALLY take it easy. I have been very anxious about labor more so about pain. Everyone says to not be scared (really? not even a little?). I am trying to be cool, but since this is so new to me, I can't help but feel anxious. We are taking a birth class in a few weeks, so I am sure I will probably feel better after that. I also don't appreciate certain "friends" on fb feeling the need to post on the news feed "maternal deaths in hospitals" articles. Really?! Yep, witchy preggo starting to come out....

Maternity Clothes: yep in the pants department. Thankful many of my non preggo shirts and dresses still fit.

Stretch marks? A small one on my hip and one small on my boob. AND two under my belly! I was bummed about it, I honestly thought I would escape the stretch mark train. However, especially after hearing some terrible news about a dear friend, it put a lot of things into perspective. Freaking out over stretch marks is extremely silly in the grand scheme of life. 

Ring on or off?: Still on thankfully! I notice my fingers do swell a bit, but they go back down.

Best Moments this week: Being on spring break, and still reeling from my lovely shower my mom, sis and friends put on! It was awesome!!! Our hospital tour was fun, and it made it so real!

What I'm looking forward to: progressing more in pregnancy, my church shower, and getting her nursery completed!


Till next time loves!!!