The Life of a Potter's Wife: My crazy to journey to having Rowan: The NICU

Hi y'all

So I meant to do these posts more closer together, but as I am realizing as a new mother, time is a lot different now, lol.

I am documenting the least favorite part of this journey. This part was definitely the hardest part and it was not easy. Us mamas deal with pregnancy hormones, regardless of how your baby gets here. Add the pressure to breastfeed (more on that later) from nurses and doctors, and throw in NICU, you have a cocktail for disaster.

Let's pick up from the day I delivered....

Rowan was whisked away to NICU. After being stitched up and some other housekeeping business from doctors and nurses, I was alone. I was so jacked on adrenaline that I couldn't feel sad or eat. My mom and sister came in, overjoyed and thrilled over what happened. After recovering for an hour, I was allowed to go to NICU. I was wheeled down and literally bouncing out of my wheelchair to see my baby.

The NICU was a busy, noisy, sterile place filled with nurses, machines, incubators, wires, monitors, etc. As I washed up, I glanced around at the little babies around me. My heart sank as I saw these gorgeous, precious babies be hooked up, some worse for wear than others. I was wheeled to my princess. She was sleeping peacefully without any tubes in her, or oxygen. She had some wires attached to her, monitoring her heart rate, pulse, etc. She was in an open incubator. All of this was positive and great, because it meant she had very little problems.

However it's a really sad thing when your baby have wires taped to them. It looks totally scary. I remember seeing Rowan for the first time. my heart was full of joy and then I heard her cry. She let out a really sorrowful cry that produced a tiny tear. That's when I lost it. Then I realize the magnitude that my daughter was going to be here for a while. Nicu has a rule of thumb which means babies can't leave till they are at least 35 weeks. We were in for quite the journey.

Rowan was only in NICU for two weeks, but it was 2 weeks too long. I don't wish NICU on my worst enemy. Again, Rowan didn't have anything insanely wrong with her. Sure, the "diagnosis" of reflux came up and also the diagnosis of her bifid uvula, but other than that, she was a grower and a feeder. There were babies in there that had horrendous conditions and made me feel so thankful and grateful for my little girl.

However, NICU plays on your emotions. As my mama friends can agree, the emotions are insane after birth. I big time had the baby blues (a post on that later) and I was so emotional being in there. I really had a rough time seeing Rowan in NICU. What broke my heart was leaving her. We were lucky to stay the hospital a few extra days but once we had to go home, it was really tough. I felt so empty and depressed. A huge piece of my heart was 45 minutes away and I just felt so bitter for my
experience. On top of that, I really wasn't a fan of her doctors, Dr. Buxton and Dr. Ajebola. They were rude and pretty dismissive. For a brand new mama who was scared, worried and full of questions, they had really poor bedside manner. And no, I have no qualms putting their names on here. Dr. Lai, who was her doc in the beginning, was amazing!

I also was given a ton of pressure by some of the nurses about breastfeeding and I had a horrific supply, thanks to being 6 weeks early. I was under so much stress and pressure from them, that I was reduced to tears so many times (a post on that too!). It was pretty awful. Now don't get me wrong, not all nurses were like that. There were so many that I fell in love with! Many of them were beyond kind, compassionate and loving to us and especially to our girl. I will be forever in their debt and so thankful!

Overall, it was emotionally draining. I wasn't sleeping well and hubby and I were emotionally spent. I was so thankful to have my hubby. He was truly my rock! There were many days we were told we could go home with Ro, but then we would have a set back. She had a small Brady (where a baby stops breathing) thanks to her nose spit ups. It bought us more time. Finally, after passing her car seat test (she failed the first time), we were allowed to room in with her, which means we stay in a room in the NICU wing and have basically a dress rehearsal. It surreal as we were on our own. I was so terrified to be alone with her! She was still so little! What if she stopped breathing? What do we do, etc etc. Luckily Rowan did just fine even though we didn't sleep much. Finally on Sunday, May 4th (which is Star Wars Day) we were released to go home. We thought it was neat to be released on Star Wars day and decided it was because she was one strong Jedi knight! (Sorry the nerdiness will stop!)

Rowan did beautifully on the car ride home. I will never forget walking up to our home with our prize. We were going to finally begin life with our precious girl!

Our stay in NICU was tough, but it did have it's silver linings:

1. Despite leaving baby, we had to get accustomed to it, whether we liked it or not. Due to that, we can go on a date night, or I can run to the store without panicking that baby is at home. I know some mamas that struggle leaving for even 10 minutes. Our NICU stay made me tough in that regard. Of course I miss her when I'm not with her, but we can leave and it's manageable, and I don't feel like I'm dying.

2. Rowan was put on a strict schedule for feedings and diaper changes. Thanks to that, Rowan is very routined and wakes up once in the middle of the night to eat. It's super awesome! Now, lately Rowan sometimes doesn't fall asleep after that late feed, but hey, we are working on it!

3. Rowan loves noise! NICU is bright, loud and noisy! The upside to that is she sleeps through everything! It is so wonderful and nice! If it's too quiet, she freaks out lol!

Here are some pics from the first day in NICU:

These next batches of pictures is our stay over the period of two weeks:

A batch from the last week. Note, the car seat picture is her being tested to see if she can tolerate the car seat for an hour. She looks so small! Sadly that first time she failed, because she turned blue. While this is normal for preemies it was still scary: