#worldprematurityday

Today is World Prematurity Day.

This day is not only important to our family, but a huge day for so many others.

Last night, I looked back at the blog and my posts about the hospital stay, her birth and NICU. After reading it, I peeked in on my sleeping babe and flooded with tears. This past April was the hardest, toughest month of our lives. It was filled with so much fear, uncertainty, and anger. I was very angry and bitter for a long time for how our situation played out and I felt it was unfair. I am thankful those feelings have gone away, because I truly see God's hand in our situation. While we STILL have no clue what caused her early birth, we have come such a long way since those tough NICU days. I am also so thankful Rowan was born at 34 instead of earlier. She had virtually no major health problems in NICU and for that, I am so thankful. I am also thankful for modern medicine, and for those amazing doctors and nurses who dedicate their lives to helping our tiny littles.

I remember holding my tiny baby in NICU and feeling so afraid of her. I was scared I would hurt her, I was always afraid something would be wrong. The first 2 months home were definitely tough. I was dealing with major baby blues and trying to understand my baby. However, with the grace of God, she has flourished and went from being a tiny 5.2 pounder to a solid chunky tank at 19 pounds. She is a sweet, happy girl, but man she is a SPITFIRE. She has a huge personality and is quite fiery. She was like that even in NICU!

Every night as I rock my baby to sleep, I always inhale her sweet scent and just stare her while she sleeps. During that time, I take a moment to thank God bringing us through those tough times and for my sweet baby. I am so grateful I get to be this baby's mama. Please, stand with us in support of preemies and their families worldwide. Premature births are on the rise and is now the world's number one cause of death in infants. If you feel compelled to support in any way, you can do so here.


Let's take a walk down memory lane

Her NICU and early days home:

My Rowan today:

Adjusted

So this pic has nothing to do with my post, but good heavens, I just love this beautiful baby!

Okay, back to the original post...

Ah...those milestones. Every new mama seems to always be obsessed with those, and I am no different.

 I remember back when Rowan was in the NICU, the doctors had mentioned that because she was born six weeks early she may have developmental delays. Basically it meant that she may not be meeting milestones at the same time as her term baby friends. The doctors said we had to use her adjusted age rather than going by her real actual age. What adjusted age means is how old Rowan would have been had she been born on time. For example Rowan is 6.5 months old. Her adjusted age would then be 5 months old. So, that means any big milestones we have to treat her like a 5 monther rather than 6 (I know, monther isn't a word, LOL).

I remember hearing that I just brushed it off. I figured that wouldn't be her case and we would be just fine. At times, even now, I forget that Rowan was a preemie. When I look at her I don't see preemie, I just see my beautiful girl, my little spit fire. She is a fighter and so incredibly strong.  She has had zero problems, and she's even chubbier and bigger than some of her term baby friends. I just figured that 6 weeks really wouldn't make a difference. I just remember feeling and thinking "we're going to prove the doctors wrong". Rowan is going to do everything on time". I remember feeling very smug that before Rowan turned her actual age of 4 months old (only 2.5 months adjusted at the time), she actually rolled over. She was actually quite roly-poly and was rolling for the next few days afterwards. I remember thinking "see I was right!" But then as some days went by she stopped doing it completely altogether. It freaked me out and made me think the doctors may be on to something.

Currently, Rowan rolls around like its going out of style. However, many of her baby friends (many of them 6 months like her) are currently sitting up with no problem, crawling and some are even pulling themselves up. Last week I got an email from baby center about sitting up. In reading the comments, some moms put

"Oh my 4 month old is sitting up" (really!??)
"My 6 month old is sitting up and crawling",
etc, etc, etc.

I see my friends' babies and these comments and I can't help but feel concerned. While Rowan is rolling, holding up her weight through her arms, she isn't sitting up. She sits up for 10-15 before she does a "TIMBER" fall. to the floor. AND certainly, she isn't crawling. I feel a sense of pressure and panic has seem to set in, till I remember....

ALL THESE BABIES WERE BORN AT TERM. MINE WASN'T. THE END.

When I remember that, it gives me a sense of peace. I have to calm the heck down, and realize Rowan will do things when its time, and when her body is ready. It is important to also know that even termies don't always do everything "on time". Despite all of this, it hasn't stopped me from being proactive. For the last 3 months, we have been seeing a physical therapist, to make sure she is developing okay and catching any issues early. In those sessions, the doctor has noticed Rowan has a slight bout of torticollis, which basically a head tilt. Its getting better, but something we for sure need to work on it. In this last session, we noticed she seems to have very slight floppy arms, which means when you pick her up, it feels like she could slip through your fingers. The therapist thinks its minor, and taught us a slew of things we could be doing. She thinks with tummy time and other exercising, she should improve between 1-2 months. On the positive, Rowan is the 95% percentile in meeting milestones as a "5 month old". For her real age, 6.5 months, she is at the 40% percentile for milestones. I heard that number and my heart sank, because as a teacher, 40% isn't good. However, her therapist said that was actually good, considering she is a preemie. With all of that, I left feeling my amazing little girl is on the right track.

All of this said, this is a good reminder to calm the eff down. Rowan is already doing amazing, and will continue to do so. I am so incredibly thankful that her early birth hasn't given way to huge problems. We have a lot to be thankful for. So, I am just going to sit back, continue to work with her, and just enjoy my beautiful girl. Time is flying too fast anyway.