new doctor, hopefully a better second time...

It is insane that on Saturday will mark 1 year since I was admitted for my scary hospital stay which led to Rowan's early birth. That situation was so scary  and frightening, however, I could see where God was holding our family so tightly. With that being said, I am wanting to take action in event we even have a 2nd baby.

Before we continue, please note WE ARE NOT TRYING FOR A SECOND BABY, ESPECIALLY NOT NOW. Okay, let's carry on....

A while back, I decided to switch my ob/gyn doctor. It was a decision I didn't take lightly.
I did like my former doctor. She also knew my pregnancy and history. I also credit her for catching my preterm labor. However, she is TOO RELAXED about things.

If you know me at all, I am super OCD and total hypocondriac. Relaxed doesn't work for me. Throughout my pregnancy little things were bugging me. AT my 6 week postpartum, she didn't do a pap. She breezed through the pathology report about my placenta. I asked if we had a "next time" if I would be monitored and she gaily replied "nah, you weren't that early". Um, WHAT? That was it, I was done.

I knew if we got pregnant again, I needed a doctor who be concise, concerned, and thorough. I wanted to monitored carefully, nothing willy nilly. Per recommendation of a friend who had serious woman issues, she recommended her doc, Dr. Nolte.

She did let me know it was a guy doctor, which I wasn't a fan of. HOWEVER...upon meeting him I knew right away he was "the one", LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He did the routine pap, and I had a million questions. I wanted a re-reading of the pathology report. This was important, because when I had Rowan, the nurse noticed it seemed pretty calcified, meaning my placenta was done. This is normal if you are 40 weeks, but when you are barely 34 weeks, this is not okay.

He read the report verbatim and happily reported that my placenta was 100% fine, and it wasn't the cause of Rowan's early birth. I was so pleased, but also frustrated as I of course wanted the cause of my early labor.

I briefed him of my entire pregnancy and labor, A to Z.

Here's the good news, in some ways:

-Despite being dialated at 2 cm, that wasn't necessarily a concern. Most women can be like that and not go into preterm labor. That wasn't a concern. While it was right of my former doctor to send me to L&D, this solely wouldn't have warranted a hospital stay.

-basically the only reason I had the stay was because of her heart decelerations. However, had I not been "caught" I would have been sent home. He says about 90% of women especially late in pregnancy would show heart decels if they were hooked up. I was just one of the lucky  ones that got caught. So insane!

-SInce techinically I didn't go into labor myself (water never broke on its own, I was induced), this was a positive sign. Meaning that the only reason why she came out was of her horrible decels the day before she was born.

So, what does that mean? Dr. Nolte explained that I was in a weird gray area with all of the preterm labor. There didn't seem to be a specific cause, and that pretty much  it was a freak of nature incident.

HOWEVER (and this was music to my ears) if I was to get pregnant again, I would be watched like a hawk, begin progestrone shots in 2nd trimester (basically to keep baby in) and do stress tests later down the road. This is exactly what I wanted.

To be honest, I am SUPER nervous about even having a second child. We shall see if that even happens. What gives me peace is knowing I will have a doctor who is completely on my side! I feel so thankful for that!

My crazy to journey to having Rowan: The NICU

Hi y'all


So I meant  to do these posts more closer together, but as I am realizing as a new mother, time is a lot different now, lol.




I am documenting the least favorite part of this journey. This part was definitely the hardest part and it was not easy. Us mamas deal with pregnancy hormones, regardless of how your baby gets here. Add the pressure to breastfeed (more on that later) from nurses and doctors, and throw in NICU, you have a cocktail for disaster.




Let's pick up from the day I delivered....


Rowan was whisked away to NICU. After being stitched up and some other housekeeping business from doctors and nurses, I was alone. I was so jacked on adrenaline that I couldn't feel sad or eat. My mom and sister came in, overjoyed and thrilled over what happened. After recovering for an hour, I was allowed to go to NICU. I was wheeled down and literally bouncing out of my wheelchair to see my baby.




The NICU was a busy, noisy, sterile place filled with nurses, machines, incubators, wires, monitors, etc. As I washed up, I glanced around at the little babies around me. My heart sank as I saw these gorgeous, precious babies be hooked up, some worse for wear than others. I was wheeled to my princess. She was sleeping peacefully without any tubes in her, or oxygen. She had some wires attached to her, monitoring her heart rate, pulse, etc. She was in an open incubator. All of this was positive and great, because it meant she had very little problems.

However it's a really sad thing when your baby  have wires taped to them. It looks totally scary. I remember seeing Rowan for the first time. my heart was full of joy and then I heard her cry. She let out a really sorrowful cry that produced a tiny tear. That's when I lost it. Then I realize the magnitude that my daughter was going to be here for a while. Nicu has a rule of thumb which means babies can't leave till they are at least 35 weeks. We were in for quite the journey.

Rowan was only in NICU for two weeks, but it was 2 weeks too long. I don't wish NICU on my worst enemy. Again, Rowan didn't have anything insanely wrong with her. Sure, the "diagnosis" of reflux came up and also the diagnosis of her bifid uvula, but other than that, she was a grower and a feeder. There were babies in there that had horrendous conditions and made me feel so thankful and grateful for my little girl.

However, NICU plays on your emotions. As my mama friends can agree, the emotions are insane after birth. I big time had the baby blues (a post on that later) and I was so emotional being in there. I really had a rough time seeing Rowan in NICU. What broke my heart was leaving her. We were lucky to stay the hospital a few extra days but once we had to go home, it was really tough. I felt so empty and depressed. A huge piece of my heart was 45 minutes away and I just felt so bitter for my
experience. On top of that, I really wasn't a fan of her doctors, Dr. Buxton and Dr. Ajebola. They were rude and pretty dismissive. For a brand new mama who was scared, worried and full of questions, they had really poor bedside manner. And no, I have no qualms putting their names on here. Dr. Lai, who was her doc in the beginning, was amazing!

 I also was given a ton of pressure by some of the nurses about breastfeeding and I had a horrific supply, thanks to being 6 weeks early. I was under so much stress and pressure from them, that I was reduced to tears so many times (a post on that too!). It was pretty awful. Now don't get me wrong, not all nurses were like that. There were so many that I fell in love with! Many of them were beyond kind, compassionate and loving to us and especially to our girl. I will be forever in their debt and so thankful!

Overall, it was emotionally draining. I wasn't sleeping well and hubby and I were emotionally spent. I was so thankful to have my hubby. He was truly my rock! There were many days we were told we could go home with Ro, but then we would have a set back. She had a small Brady (where a baby stops breathing) thanks to her nose spit ups.  It bought us more time. Finally, after passing her car seat test (she failed the first time), we were allowed to room in with her, which means we stay in a room in the NICU wing and have basically a dress rehearsal. It surreal as we were on our own. I was so terrified to be alone with her! She was still so little! What if she stopped breathing? What do we do, etc etc. Luckily Rowan did just fine even though we didn't sleep much. Finally on Sunday, May 4th (which is Star Wars Day)  we were released to go home. We thought it was neat to be released on Star Wars day and decided it was because she was one strong Jedi knight! (Sorry the nerdiness will stop!) 

Rowan did beautifully on the car ride home. I will never forget walking up to our home with our prize. We were going to finally begin life with our precious girl!

Our stay in NICU was tough, but it did have it's silver linings:

1. Despite leaving baby, we had to get accustomed to it, whether we liked it or not. Due to that, we can go on a date night, or I can run to the store without panicking that baby is at home. I know some mamas that struggle leaving for even 10 minutes. Our NICU stay made me tough in that regard. Of course I miss her when I'm not with her, but we can leave and it's manageable, and I don't feel like I'm dying.

2. Rowan was put on a strict schedule for feedings and diaper changes. Thanks to that, Rowan is very routined and wakes up once in the middle of the night to eat. It's super awesome! Now, lately Rowan sometimes doesn't fall asleep after that late feed, but hey, we are working on it!

3. Rowan loves noise! NICU is bright, loud and noisy! The upside to that is she sleeps through everything! It is so wonderful and nice! If it's too quiet, she freaks out lol!

  

Here are some pics from the first day in NICU:

These next batches of pictures is our stay over the period of two weeks: 

A batch from the last week. Note, the car seat picture is her being tested to see if she can tolerate the car seat for an hour. She looks so small! Sadly that first time she failed, because she turned blue. While this is normal for preemies it was still scary:

This next batch is us rooming with our girl:

This is the batch of us being released! The first picture is our last and final meal of just us two! Now life would begin as the 3 of us!

My beautiful, 10 pound chubby girl now! I am just in love with this beautiful human: