The other day, I was at my mom's house and I was trying to find an old book in one of my old closets when I
unearthed a plethora of old notes written to me and some I had written to my friends when I was in
junior high.
I had a laugh because the
stupid drama and angst was just too funny. But that is a another post.
One of the notes was written while I was in Mr. Amutan's spanish class, when I was
junior high....it brought back a
sad, embarrasing story.
It was
spring of 1997. Junior high was a
major low point in my little life, thanks to the bullying that was taking place. Things were finally starting to shape up, but I was
trying, painfully trying, to fit in so badly.
Spanish class with Mr. Amutan was starting.
Mr. Amutan was a nice guy. However he was also sarcastic, and was sometimes
mean sarcastic. I remember I was having a bad day. So during class, I guess I wasn't
paying attention. He calls me, I dumbly look at him, and he starts hounding on me. I guess I had enough because I stood up and said "
F--- you Mr. Amutan!".
The whole class, including him gasps.
I stand there,
frozen, realizing what I had done.
He points towards the door, while staring at me, and says in a
deadly voice
"OUT. NOW."
I was still
stupid though. As I walked out the class
clapped and cheered for me and I even got some high fives. It
puffed me up, as I so badly
wanted acceptance. That feeling
only lasted 10 seconds.
I stood outside,
realizing what stupid, mean, and rude thing I had done. I have never ever cussed at teacher; if anything, I was the
"good kid", always respectful. I was afraid my parents would murder me if they found out. I was
planning my funeral as Mr. Amutan came out.
He must have realized I was shaking and my face was white, and remembered my
track record as the
"good kid" because he said "Why did you do it" in a voice that killed me. I shakily said, "I don't know, I am so sorry".
At that moment, that man showed me
kindness, grace and mercy because all he said was "Please don't ever, ever do that again. It was so disrespectful and I
expected better of you"
I thought I would die.
4 years later, as a senior in high school, I worked at a tutoring center called Score. The door opens and Mr. Amutan walks through the door with his
lovely wife and young daughter. I thought I would die. I felt so
embarrassed and ashamed. This man was human and had a family and I told him to "F off. Even though it had been a few years, I felt horrible.
We have a
perfectly fine conversation and he sees I am clearly more matured and grown up.
It makes me realize as a teacher, I need to make sure I am
showing grace like him, to my students everyday.
Thank you Mr. Amutan, for
showing the idiot some grace.
And I am still sorry.
 |
| Me in 1997. Yikes. |
