Awkward....

So recently, a dear friend of mine Fransis uploaded a pic of herself, me and a few friends from when she turned 15. Its quite the hideous picture of me ( its on my page, just warning you, it ain't pretty) I see an awkward 13 year old girl, who is all legs, a little gangly, not having much of a fashion sense, with crazy hair and unflattering dark lipstick. My face has no smile, and I look crazy.



Overall, looking at it more closely now, I feel sad as I see this picture of myself. It hurts.



You see, this was a very hard time in my life. Junior high is not really an easy time for anyone, but it was especially hard for me. I was heavily bullied throughout junior high, especially in the 8th grade. At the time the picture was taken, it was pretty bad. It was one individual who took sheer joy in torturing me with her harsh, cruel words, for example one of her favorite sayings was threatening to beat me up everyday as I walked to school, which made me beyond petrified to leave my house. I was called ugly, worthless and a slew of other things that just tore me to shreds.

It got to the point where I would be afraid to walk certain parts of my school, and I would fake being sick, because it was too much. I didn't say anything to my parents, adminstrators or teachers, because I was afraid of what could happen. It got so bad that I finally broke down and told my parents, who were devastated but took action. I can't even imagine how much it must have hurt them, I think of my nieces or nephews being in that position and it makes me want to cry on the spot. From that point on, administrators and the whole nine yards got involved and thankfully, it all stopped and the rest of my school experience was MUCH better.

As I look at this picture, I see a girl who had no self esteem, and who was very insecure. It makes me sad. I hate bullying. I have shared this very story to many of my students, who are very suprised to hear about my story. I share to shed some light that words truly and sincerely hurt. As a teacher, there is a no bullying zone in my classroom. I will call out kids out on the spot if I ever see it happen and even on the playground.

As I reflect on this time of my life, I can't help but think of my best friend, Kristen. At the time this was going on, my family moved churches and I unwillingly started to go. Thank you God we did. I met a sweet, fun cheerleader who would turn to my best friend of 14 years and has become more like a sister to me. Kristen, as well as the rest of the youth group, truly brought a sense of joy in my life. I was able to get closer and lean on Christ, and Kristen was an amazing friend through this horrendous ordeal. I was able to see that there were still good, sweet kind people, and I was accepted by this amazing group of kids.

As 14 or so years have passed since this picture, I must say a lot has changed. Thankfully, I can do my hair and make up better (hee hee), and have a MUCH better fashion sense. I am glad I was able to move on from that yucky part of my life and come out stronger. Without going through it, I never would have met my amazing Kristen =)