How I got over my fear of (baby) committment

DISCLAIMER: (oh how I love these) This is an honest post, and please read it all the way through before you jump to conclusions. I do 100% realize many people (including some of my own loved ones and friends) have/had struggled with fertility and the fact we were able to get pregnant with no issues is a miracle and I am grateful for that.  Okay. Moving on.......

I'm close to 6 months pregnant (2 more weeks!) and happy as a clam. I am stoked to be a mommy, terrified of course, but excited nonetheless.

Its taken me a bit to be okay with this HUGE life change.  You see, I had a fear of commitment when it came to being a parent.
I really resisted the idea for a very long time (4 long years). I was even THIS CLOSE to saying no completely to having kids altogether. I quickly realized that wouldn't be fair to hubs, who dying to be a father. If hubs had his way, we would have had a honeymoon baby. Some of you ask...why such resistance? Well, these are the reasons (then) why it took forever:

#1. I LOVED how our life was (still is before the baby comes). We were constantly on the go, traveling, do practically whatever the heck we wanted, when we wanted it. Why would I want to change that? (Okay now I know.) We were/are known to our friends as the jet setters, always on the go. People have said things like "we love following where you are going on facebook" " You guys are always on the go, having adventures!". I took pride in that, and was fearful if we had a baby, that would all be gone in a heartbeat.

#2 I was selfish. This part still scares me, as being a mother is the most selfless job in the universe.  The thought of waking up multiple times in the night, basically never sleeping in, saying no to most outings, basically never having time to myself was frightening. I wasn't ready to give this up.

#3 I wanted to see the world. This one sounds like "oh, poor little rich girl", lol! I was and still am a big traveler. For our honeymoon we were blessed to spend two weeks in Ireland, which started my obsession with going to Europe. I have a HUGE bucket list when it comes to traveling, and everyone was stressing me out about how we HAVE to do it before kids or we will never go. I also have had friends travel abroad WITHOUT their kids, and holy crap, they were judged and crucified up the wazoo for doing that. Great.  Not a lot of people know this, but we almost booked Europe twice. First time, our dog had to have a 5 grand surgery, so we had to kiss Europe goodbye. The second time, we realized we would never get into a house if we used the money for Europe. Then on top of that, we made it into escrow, and sadly, our dog required EVEN MORE costly surgery (which sadly, he passed). This reason to be honest, still makes me sad. I try to remember that I have seen and have been to tons of places, and maybe someday, (if we win the lottery) we could go as a family. This is what I keep telling myself, LOL!!!!!

#4. Parents have scared me about parenthood- A huge reason as to why I was afraid was because "certain parents" literally scared the crap out of me. Now, I am fully aware being a parent is NOT a cake walk. I don't have crazy illusions that it will be perfect. However, I have heard such horrible things from some people, that it made me have a bad attitude about wanting kids.  I KID YOU NOT I have heard the following: "your life is over once you have kids", "kids will ruin your marriage, hope you guys are strong enough" (wow no pressure), "Your intimacy will be long gone, good luck getting it back", "See every movie you can, because you will never go again once you have kids", "Your hubby will become a roommate", and my favorite (guys, no freaking joke) "Having kids is like a level of hell".
Um, can you see why I was freaked out?! Luckily, as time went on, I met and had more conversations with parents who didn't sugar coat BUT said many things like "being a parent is the best decision I ever made", "being a parent is tough, but it is such an amazing journey" etc, you get it. I thank God for these parents because they helped me feel more encouraged. Thank you to those parents, you really, truly helped.

This summer, I had a honest conversation with myself and these "reasons". I had to be really honest and figure out why I felt this way. At the end of the day, I think I was just really afraid of change. I also realized I absolutely want children, I was just letting my fear get in the way. And also, let's be frank. I am not getting any younger, and neither is my hubby.

So, we went for it, and thankfully we were pregnant! I remember the moment I found out, something changed in me. I was overjoyed beyond measure that a little human was forming in me. Sorry if y'all find this cheesy, but I truly feel this was a God thing. From that moment on, all those fears, stress and worries melted away. It just felt different and I knew it was just right. As I have watched my body transform, I get excited because I am that much closer to meeting my precious gift, my child.

Now, I will say I am a bit nervous about what is to come. However, I pray everyday for God to equip us physically, emotionally and mentally for what is to come. I feel confident that we will be able to do it and come out on the other side. I think a lot of people who read my blog are already moms but to those who read this and are in my shoes, take heart. This girl completely got over her fear of baby commitment and couldn't be happier. All is right with the world :-).

Till next time loves,